naaalala mo pa bang tong eksenang to?
classmate ko: oi totoo ba? si hapnoy na daw tska si hannah ... dba best friend mo un?
ako: Nde noh! .. edi kung cla na aq na sana unang nka-alam
(after 2 months)
ikaw: oi ... may sasabihin ako.
ako: o?
ikaw: . ... ano, umm,
ako: ano?
ikaw: ... e' tsk, eeeh, wag na nga lng!
ako: cge na .. ano na kse un? ... nkaka bitin naman to o!!!
ikaw: ... kami na ni Jo ...
ako: ... (speechless)
ikaw: ... (speechless din)
ako: weh! ... kailan pa?
ikaw: ... tgal na rin,
ako: hala, bkt ngaun mo lang cnabi sken???
ikaw: e' bka kse isipin mo malandi ako e'
ako: nge, ang baba naman ng tingin mo sa lawak ng pang unawa ko ...
...
tpos it turns out na yung nagtanong pla sken, all the while alam nya na KAYO na nga tlga. bigla tuloy ako nahiya ... sobrang confident kasi ako nung sagutin ko yung tanong nya.
feeling ko talaga ang STUPID ko.
tpos nun nagkaron na nga malaking-malaking wall sa pagitan natin,
kalahating hapon sya at itago na lang natin sa pangalang hapnoy.
pero ...
ayos lang naman e ...
kse after bago ako lumipat ng school na-tibag natin yung wall na un ...
after nun there's no such thing as SECRETS between us.
marami pang ibang dumating after nun.
may RINBEE, KABAYO, PILLOWS, CHINOY, MUSHROOM SOUP ... yung RACER at kung sino sino pa na tinatago natin sa mga weird na codenames tulad nyan ...
...
naicp ko nun
kahit sino pa yang dumating sa buhay mo ok lng ...
ndi lng basta ok ... i'll be very happy for you ...
at ngaun nga may bago ka nang intsik sa buhay mo.
ewan ko pero,
kahit kelan ndi ko na-feel na mawawala ka ng dahil sa isa sa mga yon.
pero yung intsik mo ...
he's different.
24 days na lng 7th anniversary na ng friendship nten.
sabi nten nun we''l be best friends for 100 yrs.
ang cool. ang cute isipin.
nung sinabi mo na sken ung tungkol sa intsik mo ...
I suddenly felt as if we'll be in our 97th yr. ...
konti na lang mag e-expire na.
ako: ... kayo na ba?
ikaw: ndi ... pero parang ganun na rin
ako: ah! ... exclusively dating ...
ikaw: parang ganun na nga ...
ako: seryoso na ba yan?
( dati pag tinatanong ko sayo yan sagot mo agad ... " ay nku, di ko iniisip yung mga ganyan, ayoko ng commitment .... blah blah blah")
ikaw: ... umm,,, .... medyo
ako: OH MY GOD!!! hala! naglalandi na xa o'
ako: weh! as in seryoso na ba yan ... so ... nkikita mo yung future nyo together ...
ako: 10 yrs from now?
ikaw: nde ...
ako: ....
ikaw: hndi lng 10 yrs ... forever ....
ewan ko ba, kahit pa nung sinabi ko sayo na KAILANGAN qng ma-meet yan intsik na yan ...
part of me is scared to death ...
takot kse baka di nmen feel ang isa't isa ... pag nangyari un ... pano ka na? or worse ... pano na q?
takot kse baka masyado palang mabait yan to the point na di ka na nya ma-protektahan.
takot kse baka yung busy schedule mo lalong maging busy.
takot kse baka kahit miss na miss na kita, ako ndi mo nami-miss dahil andyan na xa.
takot kse baka masyado mong ma-enjoy yung company nya at ma-bore kana sken.
takot sa maraming bagay.
pero higit sa lahat ...
takot kse ... ako si Ms. 100 yrs mo pero sya ang Mr. forever mo ...
kaso ang magagawa ko ...
MAHAL MO e' ...
bilang best friend mo ... all i can do is
SMILE and be HAPPY for you ... never mind my fears ...
di mahalaga yun ... ang mahalaga, MASAYA ka ...
andito naman ako para umalalay dba ...
and if, GOD FORBIDS, it turns out that he's not really your Mr. forever ...
i'm just a call away ... tutulunganpa kitang hanapin sya ...
ndi ko naman kailangan mkipag compete dba?
mas ok na nga yun e' atleast dalawa na kami na nasa likod mo dba?
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
you're right, i'm wrong .... my apologies (oh come on!!!)
... "the problem in having an open mind is ... other people would like to tag along and try to put stuffs in it"
-bsta nabasa ko sa RD asia-
...
open minded
yeah, that's how i describe myself.
you can talk to me about anything and everything under the sun.
may it be politics, religion, films, tv series, music, ANYTHING!!!!
---
....
try mo mkipag usap sakin.
mag bibigay ako ng opinyon ko, pwede mo ring ibigay opinyon mo kung gusto mo.
kahit ano pang topic yan ...
one thing's for sure, kahit magkaiba pa tayo opinion ... siguradong hindi dadanak ang dugo.
malaki ang respeto ko sa opinyon ng ibang tao. dahil gusto irespeto din ang opinyon ko. simple diba
high school ako nung na-discover ko na may special gift ako.
THE GIFT OF AVOIDING COMMOTIONS
simple lng nmn kse yan e' ... matuto kang ilugar yung pride mo.
pag nagsisimula na nang uminit ang usapan ... ikaw ang mag baba ...
di dahil yun ang tama (crap!) badtrip yung mga nagsasabi na "magpakumbaba ka dahil yun ang tama"
(sa point of view ko) ... gnagawa nila un para sabihin ng mga tao na:
"Wow ang bait nmn nya mapagpakumbaba"
OH COME ON!!!
naniniwala ka ba????
karamihan ng tao, nagpapakumbaba not because it is the right thing to do.
It's just that masyadong time consuming ang mga komosyon.
...
di ko naman sinasabi na don't stand for what you believe in because it's a waste of time.
NO.
that's not what i mean.
ang gusto ko lang sabihin kung di naman tlga ganun kalaking issue sayo yon ...
then SHUT THE FUCK UP MAN!!!! wag ka nang umepal pa
hahaba lang usapan nyan e.
...
dahil sa pananaw q na 'to, nanatiling mapayapa ang buhay q.
un nga lang BORING
.... (to be continued ... nahihilo na q e)
-bsta nabasa ko sa RD asia-
...
open minded
yeah, that's how i describe myself.
you can talk to me about anything and everything under the sun.
may it be politics, religion, films, tv series, music, ANYTHING!!!!
---
....
try mo mkipag usap sakin.
mag bibigay ako ng opinyon ko, pwede mo ring ibigay opinyon mo kung gusto mo.
kahit ano pang topic yan ...
one thing's for sure, kahit magkaiba pa tayo opinion ... siguradong hindi dadanak ang dugo.
malaki ang respeto ko sa opinyon ng ibang tao. dahil gusto irespeto din ang opinyon ko. simple diba
high school ako nung na-discover ko na may special gift ako.
THE GIFT OF AVOIDING COMMOTIONS
simple lng nmn kse yan e' ... matuto kang ilugar yung pride mo.
pag nagsisimula na nang uminit ang usapan ... ikaw ang mag baba ...
di dahil yun ang tama (crap!) badtrip yung mga nagsasabi na "magpakumbaba ka dahil yun ang tama"
(sa point of view ko) ... gnagawa nila un para sabihin ng mga tao na:
"Wow ang bait nmn nya mapagpakumbaba"
OH COME ON!!!
naniniwala ka ba????
karamihan ng tao, nagpapakumbaba not because it is the right thing to do.
It's just that masyadong time consuming ang mga komosyon.
...
di ko naman sinasabi na don't stand for what you believe in because it's a waste of time.
NO.
that's not what i mean.
ang gusto ko lang sabihin kung di naman tlga ganun kalaking issue sayo yon ...
then SHUT THE FUCK UP MAN!!!! wag ka nang umepal pa
hahaba lang usapan nyan e.
...
dahil sa pananaw q na 'to, nanatiling mapayapa ang buhay q.
un nga lang BORING
.... (to be continued ... nahihilo na q e)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
pangarap o ambisyon????
ma'am cora: if you have plans of getting married ... how many children would you want to have?
ako: umm ... ahmm, .... hmm, ah, ... ma'am i .... i have no plans of getting married ...
ma'am cora: why??? ....
ine-explain ni ma'am cora na maybe i'm too young to say things like that.
ewan ko ba ... habang nag e-explain sya halos wala rin akong naintindihan. ang natatandaan ko lang yung sinabi nyang BURNING DESIRE ano na nga ba yung tanong nya? ... na-feel ko na daw ba un?
or maybe my heart was burned once ... something like that
(flash of thoughts)
one fine sunny afternoon.
a simple house.
a little boy playing ball with his dad.
a litte girl helping her mom to prepare merienda.
then, they all eat togehter.
crack jokes.
laugh together.
have fun together ...
one happy family
wow ... ang sarap naman nun
simple pero andun na lahat ...
pangarap ng marami and somehow ... at the back of my mind ako rin ...
(another flash of thoughts)
a successful journalist travelling around the world.
venice, prauge, the great wall of china, eiffel tower, agean sea, sunset in kenya,
pyramids in egypt ... anywhere around the world ...
tons of money
my own foundation (home for the aged)
a beach house in Zambales
a rest house in tagaytay
***
one rainy day.
pull a chair beside the window.
enjoy a cup of hot aromatic coffee.
every sip is heaven.
watch as raindrops fall on my window pane.
think, unwind ... feel the taste of success ...
now that's life!
at ito ang ambisyon ko!!
...
kung papipiliin ako dun sa dalawa
wala nang isip-isip, i'd choose the second one.
maraming taong nangangarap ng simpleng buhay ... pero naisip ko
hindi ba mas mahirap un???
... LOVE ... well romantic love for that matter was never really a part of my vocabulary. lagi kong iniisip bata pa 'ko bata pa 'ko ...
w/c is true ...
pero, hanggang kailan ba 'ko bata ... hanggang makatapos ng college? hanggang makakuha ng stable job? hanggang maka-ipon ng maraming-maraming pera? hanggang matapos ko lahat ng plinano ko para sa buhay ko? or hanggang sa ma-feel ko yung burning desire na sinasabi ni ma'am cora? ...
hypothetically speaking,
what if, ... ma-feel yun while i'm at the peek of my career ... anong gagawin ko?
kung pipiliin ko yung "burning desire" na sinasabi ni ma'am cora
this is what would probably happen:
magiging masaya 'ko for a year or two, i guess ... but it wont take long before i start to feel that "there's-something-missing" feeling ...
or if he convinced me to choose him and cahnge my mind in the first place, well
maybe i really love him that much ... and that would make things even worse.
kse ang choices q na lang e kung hahayaan ko syang masaktan o hahayaan kong masaktan ang sarili ko. syempre kung mahal ko sya di ko sya hahayaang masaktan diba ... pero hindi rin ako pinanganak na masukista ... kaya ano nang gagawin ko?
i know how i am ... mapanisi akong ako ... cguro nga di 'ko masasabi sakanya un on his face ... pero one thing's for sure ... kung talagang kilala nya ko or if he really cares for me ... mararamdaman nya un, makikita sa mga mata 'ko na hindi ako masaya. at dun naman nagsisimula yun lahat diba?
hanggang sa papasok na ung it's-not-you-it's-me factor ...
naniniwala ako sa love. i believe that it's the most magical thing on earth.
everything's possible when it comes to love ... parang yung sa lolo't lola ko
hanggang sa huli sila parin after more than 50 yrs of marriage... ganun pa rin sila.
it's like they're falling in love with each other everyday.
ayoko na mabura un sa utak ko. ayokong mapatunayan ko yung mga nakikita ko sa paligid. ayokong mapatunayan na hindi pa sapat yung one fine sunny afternoon para punuan yung greece, yung venice, paris, egypt, africa ...
yung beach house sa zambales, resthouse sa tagaytay ... lahat un.
ayoko na ung pagiging ambisyosa ko yung dahilan para makasira ng kahit kaninong pamilya. ... lalo na siguro kung sa akin pa yun.
pero kung pipiliin ko naman yung ambisyon
this is what would probably happen:
wala ...
cguro pagka ubos dun sa cup of hot aromatic coffee na yun.
tatawag ako sa bestfriend ko mag aayang lumabas ... kaso may outing yung family nila
kaya ndi sya pwede.
tapos ayun kukuha na lang ulit ako ng isa pang cup ng kape. ...
mag iisip ... mai-inggit pero sasabihin ko sa sarili ko ...
"YOU CAN'T LOOSE WHAT YOU NEVER HAD"
at siguro magiging masaya na 'ko sa ganun.
as of now ...
wala akong kakayahan para hindi piliin yung ambisyon ko.
dahil yun lang yung dahilan kung bakit ako nagpapaka-hirap mag aral ngaun
dito ko lang binubuhos lahat ...
hindi ko kayang isipin na hindi ko maabot yung mga ambisyon na yun ...
hindi ko kaya ...
i'm too selfish to deserve a happy family ...
....
pero bakit ko nga ba iniisip 'to???
... it was just an educational discussion ...
... basta ...
ewan ko ba ...
basta ang alam ko, kahit bali-baligtarin mo pa ang mundo ...
lilibutin ko 'to ... whatever it takes ... mararating ko lahat ng gusto kong puntahan ....
hay nku "burning desire" ... kung sino ka man ... wag ka munang dumating pls. lang ... dahil kung ngaun ka darating ... iiwan lang kita ...
i'm almost there ... hinding hindi ko ipagpapalit yung pangarap ko sa'yo ...
kung ngaun ka dadating ... ganito na lang ... try to change my mind (w/c seems to be impossible) or .... just come with me ...
Hey lady, you lady
cursing at your life
you're a discontented mother
and a regimented wife
I have no doubt
you dream about the things you never do
but I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to you
Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
Took the hand of a preacher man
and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...
Please lady please lady
don't just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you
why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
still living in your eyes
won't you share a part
of a weary heart that has lived a million lives
Oh, I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece
when I sipped champagne on a yacht
I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
and showed them what I've got
I've been undressed by kings
and I've seen some things that a woman ain't s'pose to see
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie
a fantasy we created about people and places
as we like them to be
but you know what truth is?
it's that little baby you're holding
and it's that man you fought with this morning
the same one you are gonna make love to tonight
that's truth that's love
Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children
that might have made me complete
but I, I took the sweet life
I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I spent my life exploring
the subtle whoring
that costs too much to be free
hey lady I've been to paradise
but I've never been to me...
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...
ako: umm ... ahmm, .... hmm, ah, ... ma'am i .... i have no plans of getting married ...
ma'am cora: why??? ....
ine-explain ni ma'am cora na maybe i'm too young to say things like that.
ewan ko ba ... habang nag e-explain sya halos wala rin akong naintindihan. ang natatandaan ko lang yung sinabi nyang BURNING DESIRE ano na nga ba yung tanong nya? ... na-feel ko na daw ba un?
or maybe my heart was burned once ... something like that
(flash of thoughts)
one fine sunny afternoon.
a simple house.
a little boy playing ball with his dad.
a litte girl helping her mom to prepare merienda.
then, they all eat togehter.
crack jokes.
laugh together.
have fun together ...
one happy family
wow ... ang sarap naman nun
simple pero andun na lahat ...
pangarap ng marami and somehow ... at the back of my mind ako rin ...
(another flash of thoughts)
a successful journalist travelling around the world.
venice, prauge, the great wall of china, eiffel tower, agean sea, sunset in kenya,
pyramids in egypt ... anywhere around the world ...
tons of money
my own foundation (home for the aged)
a beach house in Zambales
a rest house in tagaytay
***
one rainy day.
pull a chair beside the window.
enjoy a cup of hot aromatic coffee.
every sip is heaven.
watch as raindrops fall on my window pane.
think, unwind ... feel the taste of success ...
now that's life!
at ito ang ambisyon ko!!
...
kung papipiliin ako dun sa dalawa
wala nang isip-isip, i'd choose the second one.
maraming taong nangangarap ng simpleng buhay ... pero naisip ko
hindi ba mas mahirap un???
... LOVE ... well romantic love for that matter was never really a part of my vocabulary. lagi kong iniisip bata pa 'ko bata pa 'ko ...
w/c is true ...
pero, hanggang kailan ba 'ko bata ... hanggang makatapos ng college? hanggang makakuha ng stable job? hanggang maka-ipon ng maraming-maraming pera? hanggang matapos ko lahat ng plinano ko para sa buhay ko? or hanggang sa ma-feel ko yung burning desire na sinasabi ni ma'am cora? ...
hypothetically speaking,
what if, ... ma-feel yun while i'm at the peek of my career ... anong gagawin ko?
kung pipiliin ko yung "burning desire" na sinasabi ni ma'am cora
this is what would probably happen:
magiging masaya 'ko for a year or two, i guess ... but it wont take long before i start to feel that "there's-something-missing" feeling ...
or if he convinced me to choose him and cahnge my mind in the first place, well
maybe i really love him that much ... and that would make things even worse.
kse ang choices q na lang e kung hahayaan ko syang masaktan o hahayaan kong masaktan ang sarili ko. syempre kung mahal ko sya di ko sya hahayaang masaktan diba ... pero hindi rin ako pinanganak na masukista ... kaya ano nang gagawin ko?
i know how i am ... mapanisi akong ako ... cguro nga di 'ko masasabi sakanya un on his face ... pero one thing's for sure ... kung talagang kilala nya ko or if he really cares for me ... mararamdaman nya un, makikita sa mga mata 'ko na hindi ako masaya. at dun naman nagsisimula yun lahat diba?
hanggang sa papasok na ung it's-not-you-it's-me factor ...
naniniwala ako sa love. i believe that it's the most magical thing on earth.
everything's possible when it comes to love ... parang yung sa lolo't lola ko
hanggang sa huli sila parin after more than 50 yrs of marriage... ganun pa rin sila.
it's like they're falling in love with each other everyday.
ayoko na mabura un sa utak ko. ayokong mapatunayan ko yung mga nakikita ko sa paligid. ayokong mapatunayan na hindi pa sapat yung one fine sunny afternoon para punuan yung greece, yung venice, paris, egypt, africa ...
yung beach house sa zambales, resthouse sa tagaytay ... lahat un.
ayoko na ung pagiging ambisyosa ko yung dahilan para makasira ng kahit kaninong pamilya. ... lalo na siguro kung sa akin pa yun.
pero kung pipiliin ko naman yung ambisyon
this is what would probably happen:
wala ...
cguro pagka ubos dun sa cup of hot aromatic coffee na yun.
tatawag ako sa bestfriend ko mag aayang lumabas ... kaso may outing yung family nila
kaya ndi sya pwede.
tapos ayun kukuha na lang ulit ako ng isa pang cup ng kape. ...
mag iisip ... mai-inggit pero sasabihin ko sa sarili ko ...
"YOU CAN'T LOOSE WHAT YOU NEVER HAD"
at siguro magiging masaya na 'ko sa ganun.
as of now ...
wala akong kakayahan para hindi piliin yung ambisyon ko.
dahil yun lang yung dahilan kung bakit ako nagpapaka-hirap mag aral ngaun
dito ko lang binubuhos lahat ...
hindi ko kayang isipin na hindi ko maabot yung mga ambisyon na yun ...
hindi ko kaya ...
i'm too selfish to deserve a happy family ...
....
pero bakit ko nga ba iniisip 'to???
... it was just an educational discussion ...
... basta ...
ewan ko ba ...
basta ang alam ko, kahit bali-baligtarin mo pa ang mundo ...
lilibutin ko 'to ... whatever it takes ... mararating ko lahat ng gusto kong puntahan ....
hay nku "burning desire" ... kung sino ka man ... wag ka munang dumating pls. lang ... dahil kung ngaun ka darating ... iiwan lang kita ...
i'm almost there ... hinding hindi ko ipagpapalit yung pangarap ko sa'yo ...
kung ngaun ka dadating ... ganito na lang ... try to change my mind (w/c seems to be impossible) or .... just come with me ...
Hey lady, you lady
cursing at your life
you're a discontented mother
and a regimented wife
I have no doubt
you dream about the things you never do
but I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to you
Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
Took the hand of a preacher man
and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...
Please lady please lady
don't just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you
why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
still living in your eyes
won't you share a part
of a weary heart that has lived a million lives
Oh, I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece
when I sipped champagne on a yacht
I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
and showed them what I've got
I've been undressed by kings
and I've seen some things that a woman ain't s'pose to see
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie
a fantasy we created about people and places
as we like them to be
but you know what truth is?
it's that little baby you're holding
and it's that man you fought with this morning
the same one you are gonna make love to tonight
that's truth that's love
Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children
that might have made me complete
but I, I took the sweet life
I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I spent my life exploring
the subtle whoring
that costs too much to be free
hey lady I've been to paradise
but I've never been to me...
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...
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