EMO SHIT!!!

for the last time PLEASE!!! ........

just stop this EMO thing!!!



......

"PUTANG INA MO ITIGIL MO NA YAN, UTANG NA LOOB!!!!!!!"

- bitter person -



fuck you!
i really can't believe how you turned out to be so EMO ...

no offense to EMO people,
but hey, what can I do ... i just freaking hate your species ...

i cant believe how fast you guys multiply ...
i mean what's the point of multiplying this fast
if all you want is to commit SUICIDE ...
damn!
just fucking DIE!!!

nah! ... I'm being so mean ...
i really hate EMO people, but that was just so mean ...

anyway ...


when this whole emo phenomenon started
i was pretty sure that there's no freaking way that you'll be part of it ...





remember when you used to to be so fucking confident.


you've really done a good job in making me feel worthless.
you called me stupid.
you enjoyed pointing out that i was the 3rd to the last in class ranking.
you even thought that you were smarter than our biology teacher.


I wanted to hate you.
but i couldn't ...
because it's true ...
i'm stupid because i don't study.

i was so fucking selfish
i didn't realize that my parents are actually working their ass off
for my gold plated tution fee.


i used to think that high school
means having fun ...
i didn't think i needed to study hard

... that's why even if you're the only freaking person who ever made me feel as worthless as a freaking piece of trash i still couldn't hate you.


all the while i thought i was actually a smart person.
you proved me wrong.
you downgraded me,
insulted me in a lot of freaking hurtful ways.

but still, i couldn't hate you ... as a matter of fact, i wanted to thank you.
because you somehow helped me to mature ....


and now what!!!


you talk trash about yourself.
you say you're worthless
good for nothing
what else ...
your freaking mr. wrong
no one could love you
you're the lowest form of being
you're so stupid

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

then where would that palce me????
FUCK YOU MAN!!!!
this is the most insulting thing ever ...

i wish i have a time machine so i could just take you back to that time ...
time when you were .... you know .... normal.

please just be confident again ... you have the fucking right to be.
you're so smart,
you're a very nice person (yeah ...honestly ... i think you are)

... you have a lot of good qualities ...
it's just the fact that i hate you now makes me forget what those qualities are ...


the point is ...

please stop this EMO shit ...
before i start feeling bad about my self again ...
you've already done a magnaficent job back in high school
it's so damn tiring to always be insecure ...


give me a chance to feel good about myself ...
i think i deserve that ...
i've worked hard just to get over those freaking insecurities you gave me.




it just feels so damn bad that in another part of the world ...
someone thinks of me as a freaking piece of trash







PUTA KA GAGO!!!
PANO MO NASASABI YANG MGA BAGAY NA YAN SA SARILI MO
KUNG SA TINGIN MO MAS MABABA AKO SAYO ...
E KUNG GANYAN KA PALA KABABA SA SARILI MONG PANANAW
E ANO PA KAYA TINGIN MO SAKIN!!!
ALIKABOK!!!


MGA TAO TANDAAN NYO TO AH!
KUNG MANGIINSULTO KAYO...

PUTANG INA NYO, SIGURADUHIN NYO NA HINDI NYO IBABABA NG TODO YUNG MGA SARILI NYO!
... BIGYAN NYO NAMAN NG KAHIT KONTING
JUSTICE YUNG MGA TAONG ININSULTO NYO ...

OR WAG NA LANG KAYONG MANG INSULTO IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!

funny choices .... just choose to be happy and you will be

being extremely happy,
tragically sad,
dangerously angry
or even falling madly in love ...

every freaking emotion is just a state of mind.

it's funny how people choose to live a miserable life.
how they choose not to stand up immediately after they fall ...

how they talk trash about themselves,
fishing for other people's god d***** symphathy!
drowning themselves with depressing thoughts when all they really have to do is stand up and FREAKING MOVE ON!!!


it's so damn funny that someone seems to think that everybody needs to hear his story ...

I mean ... come on! what the F*** are you trying to pull here???

guilt trip? or freaking reverse psychology perhaps ....




seriously come on!

wake up!

whatever it is that you're feeling right now ... it's just a state of mind.
you most definitely have the power over it.

everything you'll ever need to be happy is just there ... inside that thick skull of yours ...

all you have to do is think,
and look for the bright side of everything and be happy ...

sure, you may have made mistakes ...
but who doesn't???
just think of it as a learning experience and still be happy about it.
be grateful for the lesson learned ... another knowledge gained.

sure, its ok to be sad, or to let people know that you're hurt ...
but please for the sake of your own sanity ... don't let it control you

negative vibes are very poisonous ...
don't let it linger ...

SHAKE IT OFF!!!

if you had a rough fall
all you have to do is dust yourself off
stand up and keep moving forward ...

don't ever let negativity ruin you ...
shake it off!!!

smile ... and just ....

live your life ...


and you know what ....

it's just so FREAKING FUNNY that somehow, you still can affect me ...
...
but like i've said ... it's just a state of mind ...

i'm affected because i chose to be affected
i feel sorry for you because i chose to feel sorry for you ...
i looked at you not because i can't resist you but because i chose to look at you.


but ask me ...

am i bothered?
no.

why?
because i choose not to.

am i feeling guilty?
no.

why?
because i chose not to.
besides, why would i?
there's nothing to feel guilty about anyway.

....

now this question on my mind ...


why didn't i tell you name when you asked?
because i dont want to ...

why?
i didn't want you to know who i am.

why?
because i don't have the energy and time to deal with
an emo.




was it hard?
no, not really ... but i used to think it was ...

why?
because i chose to think it was ...
why?
because i was bored ...



but anyway ....

I've managed to move on!!!!
i'm so so HAPPY right now ...

and so can you .... all you have to do is choose ...


just stop whining and
stop being EMO
....

trust me ... your life will be BETTER ...

just put that blade down man!
be a man!

TRIGGER POINT .... don't you dare ...

KAHAPON PA 'KO NA IINIS!!!!

usually hinahayaan ko lang yung mga bagay bagay sa earth
e ano kung nakakainis sila ....
hahayaan ko na lang silang maging NAKAKA-INIS ...

dahil pag nag paapekto ako, ako rin naman ang lugi dun.
care nila kung naiinis ako sa kanila ...

as if naman mababawasan yung pagkatao nila pag nainis ako diba ....


basta ako prinsipyo ko sa buhay e' ... iwasang mainis, magalit, ma-badtrip, makipag away ...
BASTA UMIWAS SA GULO !!!


may mga ilang bagay lang talaga na tinatawag kong "TRIGGER POINT" na pag nakalabit mo ...
magwawala ako, mag hi-hysterical, mang aaway ng kahit sinong makita ko na may aurang nakakaBUWISIT!!!!!


ilang taon ko ring pinag aralan kung pano controlin yan ....
at ngaun ngang college na q .... finally nag succeed din aq ...

dahil ngaun ndi na yung temper ko ang kumo-control sakin, it's the other around ....
kaya naman di hamak na mas peaceful na ang buhay ko ngaun ....


PERO PUTANG INA!!!
BUWISIT NA BUWISIT TALAGA 'KO!!!!!
AS IN SOBRA!!!!


BLANKONG-BLANKONG UTAK KO DAHIL SA SOBRANG KA-BADTRIPAN!!!
SHIT TALAGA!!!! KAASAR!!!!!!!!!

PUTANG INA NYO MAMAMATAY DIN KAYO GAGO!!!!!!

RAAAAAWWWWWRRR!!!!


KAHAPON PA TO E' .... NAKATULOG NA KO'T LAHAT LAHAT, NAKA-LIGO, NAKA KITA NG MGA X-MAS LIGHTS, NAKA NOOD NG T.V ....

PERO ETO BADTRIP PA RIN!!!!



PUTANG INA TALAGA ....
LECHE AT NGAUN WALA PA KONG MAGAWANG LEAD SA PRINT TRAINING DAHIL NGA BLANKO UTAK KO!!!!!!


SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! ...

SOMEBODY PULLED MY TRIGGER
.... GOODLUCK NAMAN SAKIN DIBA ....
KUNG HANGGANG KAILAN TONG KA-BADTRIPAN NA TO .... HINDI KO ALAM ...


PASALAMAT NA LANG AKO NA CONTROL KO PA SARILI KO ....
DAHIL KONTING KONTI NA LANG

MABABANGAS KO NA YANG MUKHA MONG HAYUP KA!!!!

KAINIS TALAGA!!!!!!

yang trigger point na yan ....
yan ang pinaka iniingatan kong parte ng pagkatao ko ....
para yang negative energy na na nakatago sa sarili kong pandora's box ...

dahil once na may nakapag bukas nyan .... katapusan na naming dalawa ... or kung group sila, katapusan na naming lahat ...

dahil pag lumabas yang negative energy na yan ... mawawalan ako ng kaibigan ...
magagalit at maiinis sakin lahat ng tao dahil lalabas yung NAPAKASAMANG UGALI KO
na matagal ko na tinatago ... at pag nangyari yun .... kung sino man yung nangahas na mag bukas ng box na na yon ....

PUTANG INA MONG HAYUP KA SISIRAIN KO BUHAY MO!!!!

trigger point ...

yang maliit na part na yan ng pagkatao ko ...
that's my weakest part ....
bawal lapitan .... 10 km radius ...
dahil hyper-sensitive ang box ...
kahit kaliit-liitang part ng kahit ano sa ibang tao ... bsta dumikit sa red line
... magagalaw yung box ... at mag li-leak ...
at kung sino mang kasama ko ...
makaranas ng kahit droplet man lang ng kung ano man ang meron sa box na yun ...
siguradong maBWI-BUWISIT sakin!!!


kaya jen at patrick ....
salamat sa pasensya kahapon ...

wla pa mang isang droplet un ...
at ni ndi pa man lang dumidikit sa red line yung aleng yun ...
yung 10 km radius ndi pa nya naabot ... pero medyo malapit dun ...

kaya pasensya na talaga

buti di tayo napa-away ....

badrtip pa rin ako!!!!

that's just so damn wrong!!!

Tama bang mag stay sa room ng barkada ng boyfriend mo?
12:39 na po!

what's up with that????

fine, .... so apparently ...

ayon jan sa kinikilos mo ....

mukhang kaka-break nyo lang ...

still!!!!

dba? ... sa room ng barkada ng most recent ex mo?
... at eto pa ...

tama bang mag lock kayo ng room???

ilang bote nga pla ng beer ung binili nyo?

at ano pa tong naririnig ko?

jan ka pa matutulog?

OH MY GOD!!!



... do you have any idea of what people may think???? ...



e kung yung girlfriend nga nung lalaking yan pag bumibisita at nag o-over night
dun natutulog sa room ng sisters nya ...

oo nga tumatakas pa rin cla ... pero kahit ganun, atleast nmn dba ... nag hihintay cla hanggang tulog na lahat!!!


isa pa yang lalaking yan ...
tama ba namang patulugin yung ex ng barkada nya sa room nya???

just because nasa abroad ang girl friend nya???

THAT"S JUST SO DAMN WRONG!!!!

How to save a life (step 1 say we need to talk)

TENSYONADO ...
KABADO ...
PARALISADO ...





last year ...

may batchmate ako na nag suicide.

we're not really close ... ni ndi nga kme friends ...

anyway, nagpunta pa rin ako sa burol nya ...



parang naging batch reunion andun ung mga classmates ko nung elementary pati nung high school.



nakakagulat dahil sa loob ng 3 yrs na hindi ko sila nakita ... sobrang daming pagbabago.

in a way ... nag mature silang lahat.





nakaugalian kong sumilip lgi sa coffin pag may dadalawin ... wla lng ... di ko alam kung bakit



... cguro for closure .... ewan ko ba!





simula nung namatay yung lolo judge ko ganyan na ko lagi.
nung kse namatay xa never kong nakita ung corpse nya ... kaya cguro ganun


anyway,
nung sinilip ko na sya dun sa loob ng maliit nyang kahon ...
kahon na magiging bagong tahanan na ng katawan nya.
di pa rin ako makapaniwala na last yr. lang nakita ko pa sya.



di ko talaga lubos maisip na ung pinaka maagang batch reunion e burol ng isa samin.

naalala ko lang sya as a lively boy, ung medyo bully, makulit, apple of the eye ng teacher ...



nun ko na-realize kung gano talaga kaikli ang buhay.





narinig kong nag uusap ung mga close friends nya ...

nag text pa kasi sya bago nya tapusin na lahat ...

nag-hanap muna ng kausap ...

kaso MID TERMS na nung kaibigan nya ... ang sabi lang sa kanya,

"oi bukas na lang ah, exam ko kasi bukas tsaka wala na 'kong load"



after nun nag bilin bilin na sya ...





wednesday morning ... ayun ... nkita ung katawan nya.





ang laki ng pagsisisi nung kaibigan nya ... wala syang ibang magawa kundi umiyak na lang ...




isang bagay na pinagpapasalamat ko kay Lord noon,
buti na lang hindi ko sya friend ... kse kung nagkataon ... di ko alam gagawin ko ...



sabi ko sa sarili ko ...
from now on ... if any of my friends wants to talk ... i'll make sure someone will listen to them.



sumasakit yung ulo ko ...
kumakabog yung dibdib ko ...
nate-tensyon ako ...
natatakot ako ...



yung nangyari sakanya ... sana hindi mangyari sakin ...
... just talk to me ... i'll try my very best to listen




Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong (where did I go wrong), I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up (I would have stayed up) with you all night
Had I known how to save a life