need a hand?

what can i do to make it count?
i don't wanna sit around and watch TV the entire week.

people need as much hand as possible and mine aren't doing anything important.
i figured i could help. ...

i asked my sister if we could volunteer and her immediate answer is 'papa won't let us'.
that's just **** ... i mean why not? ...

isn't that how they [mama & papa] met? they were doing the same thing back in their college days. did our lolos and lolas stopped them from doing what they think was right?
maybe yes, maybe no either way they still went on and do their civic duty. ... well maybe they're just worried for our safety and all that. but our lolo and lola probably felt the same thing and yet allowed them to be a part of something big.

they were always telling us stories how exciting and fulfilling it was to help others in times like this. ... so why cant i do the same thing? ... it's devastating, what happened to us Filipinos.

i'm safe, my family is safe, my friends are safe ... i just want to show how grateful i am for that.
why cant i? ... why am i such a dork for whining like this ... why do i need permission to do something any person (who cares) would do. ...

my words are useless ... deciding to help will just be a part of my wishful thinking until i make the first step out of that gate...

sadly i dont have the guts to do it.

i feel useless.

mom please stop crying

i planned to write about the most unforgettable 24 hrs of my college life.

i thought we've been through a whole lot! i thought we've been through hell. that bitter-sweet moment i spent with my friends is by far the most uncomfortable thing i'd have to deal with.

from the time we got stuck in school to the ever so tiring journey back home.

i thought i was some kind of a super human to have endured all that ...

but then, i saw the news.

hundreds of people lost their home, their loved ones and their lives.

while we were at school, sharing ghost stories, making up one about how a serial killer would show up and kill us all, some people were struggling for their lives. looking for their children. some were busy saving others. some busy saving themselves.

we were together joking around, singing a few Christmas songs. we have electricity. we slept in an air conditioned room. we have food, water ... we even had the luxury of brushing our teeth before going to our improvised bed.

we decided to stay inside that creepy old establishment (which i now call my 2nd home) and let the rain pass. while others chose to go through the wrath of mother nature to be with their loved ones. some were separated from their families, leaving them worried for their loved ones lives as well as for their own.

most of my friends walked through flood waters up to their chests. some of them endured 6 hour trips under heavy rains. some were left no choice but to stay inside their cars.

i slept in an air conditioned room, may back was laid flat on soft squishy foam, i was with my friends, my family were safe at home ...

i had to endure all that ... i thought i was super cool.

i wasn't.

it's not that i'm complaining that people had been through a tougher time. i appreciate the fact that i'm luckier than them.

this is just positive thinking kicking in.

i had a better day. i'm grateful for that.

i cant help but to feel sorry though ...

it's just sad that our mother needs to cry so hard to get our attention.

can't we just see it. ... this is our mother's wake up call!

almost over.

almost over. almost over.

fingers are crossed
eyes are closed.

fervently praying

heavily breathing.


along with message that has been sent

she somehow wish that rules could be bent.


it's almost over. she wish it's over.



waiting for that one last call ...

looking forward to that final conversation ...


will it be the conclusion or a beginning of a new revolution.


she wish it's over. it's almost over.

it was a sunday afternoon

it was a Tuesday ... it could have been any other day, but it was a Tuesday ...

isn't it what you always wanted? yes. but ... but what? ... i cant. i won't force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with ... all I'm asking is that you stay beside me. that's the point. i cant stay beside you. why? you scare me. why? because ... you're you. do you want me change that? no. what do you want me to do then? stay as far away as you can. you know i can't do that. why not? ... you've already done that before, haven't you?

.........

it was a Thursday night ... it could have been any other night, but it was a Thursday night.

tears went rolling down her face. every drop of it felt like sharp dagger poking right through IT's heart. nobody thought IT had one until that day ... that one random Thursday.

It has been a long and exhausting chase. IT was determined to catch her. IT has done so much just to get what IT wants. ... but then, ... she cried.

her tears tore IT apart. ... IT decided to let her go.

.........

you can take me if you want. my mind isn't here anymore. GO. ...??? i said, you can go now. why? because i said so. i get it ... you'll let me run, then shoot at the back.

.........

her words brought IT more pain.

.........

believe it or not. ... i just want what's best for you. really? ... what's best for me? to be with you? ... i don't think so. i know. that's why I'm letting you go. i don't trust you. i don't trust me either. go now before i change my mind. .......

.........

she couldn't believe IT is setting her free. IT is in fact evil in general but she knows IT is not pure evil. she knows, she feels that IT cares for her. ... and IT only wants what's best for her ... and for that, she's thankful ... but the kind evil IT is ... she just couldn't stand. in any other circumstance, she would love to stay ... but it is what it is ...

.........

i'll find you again. you know that, dont you? goodbye. do you really not care about me ... at all? NO.

.........

she was lying.

.........

will you promise me something then? what? don't ever see me again. you're kidding. no. i mean it. ... no mater what you hear. don't ever see me again. I won't. no matter what. no matter what. not even if you die.

.........

it was a Sunday afternoon ... it could have been any other afternoon, but it was a Sunday afternoon.

she's forgotten about the promise. what was she thinking ... she doesn't know anymore. she received a message ... i could have been any other message but it was THAT message ...

.........

why? you're back. i thought we had a deal. I'm happy now. ... well i was ... before today. i wasn't ... but i am now. why? because you're back. i don't want to be back. but you are. please ... just let me go. you promised you'll never see me again. but you here you are.

.........

she should have kept her promise. but she didn't. she never should've come back. but she did.

.........

it was a tuesday ... it could have been any other day, but it was a Tuesday ...

i did my part ... i let you go. YOU came back. you said you never will ... no matter what. not even if i die. i know. why did you come back? i don't know. you don't? ... come on. ... really, why? because ... i ...you what? ... i thought i needed to see you. and now you're here ... and you're not going anywhere ... please ... just. ... you're here because you care. i .... i do, but. ...

isn't it what you always wanted? yes. but ... but what? ... i cant. i won't force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with ... all I'm asking is that you stay beside me. that's the point. i cant stay beside you. why? you scare me. why? because ... you're you. do you want me change that? no. what do you want me to do then? stay as far away as you can. you know i can't do that. why not? ... you've already done that before, haven't you?

right ... that's why i asked you to stay away ... but you didn't. ... i thought you would know better. ... that heart of yours ... isn't hard enough ... and that my friend ... is your mistake. ... you fell for my trap once again.

you brought it upon yourself.

.........

she brought it upon herself ... she's weak ... and now she has to pay for that weakness

partly her fault

(photo from: http://thanasis..com/hades.htm)

Persephone was the beautiful daughter of Mother Nature.
Persephone was walking one day in the beautiful gardens which her Mother created.
Hades, the God of the Underworld came above ground and saw her.
He immediately fell in love with her.

He kidnapped her and brought her down to the Underworld.
Her Mother found out and tried to get her back, but Persephone soon fell in love with Hades.
Hades agreed with Mother Nature that Persephone could live above ground with her Mother for six months and for the other six months live in the Underworld with him.

Everyone agreed.

Thus when Persephone is in the Underworld, her Mother is very upset and lonely and misses her daughter terribly.
When Persephone comes back for six months, her Mother is overjoyed and everything blooms and is warm and beautiful again.

(http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080805095538AAb5Vl5)

I've read and heard a lot of different version of this story.
some say she really fell in love with him. some say she just had no choice.

i think ... people are just making a big fuss over their story because Hades is from the underworld ...think about it ..what if he's not? maybe it would be just another pretty story .. wouldn't it?

some pity Persephone because she was an 'innocent' little girl lured by the prince of the underworld. do they really think it went that way?

see, Persephone should've known better. Hades being the "prince of darkness" and all, she must've known that there's a catch. she must've known anything he'll offer her will come with a price.

did people just assume that she was lured,tricked,deceived because ...just because .... nah! ... never mind. ...

what if she liked it at first too? ... maybe she's gone tired of running on vast fields. maybe she was saturated with perfection ... maybe she thought she wanted more ... maybe she thought she needed a little excitement. ...

so she accepted his offer .. to be with him ... in his dark fortress. maybe she thought she could handle it. ... and later on realized that she couldn't.

burning brigdes.

I know exactly how you feel
you were this close to closing deals
When everything fell from out your hands
you were forced to decide on other plans now
You figured it best to just ignore it
otherwise you're only living for it
and if anyone ever wondered why you did it
you'd swear they never knew you sold your soul to the
burning, burning, burning, burning bridges

You know exactly what I want so
I don't have to be so damn upfront
No matter the moment we decide to make our minds up
I know a man who may need a new assignment
to hand in his heart and take his last vacation
attempting to spoil imagination
If anyone ever wonders where he went
I wouldn't say that he spent his time driving over
burning, burning, burning bridges

Burning, burning which is
nothing more than a longing for being uninvolved
uninvolved
uninvolved
uninvolved ...

Oh, desire can cause heart attacks
Oh, desire can cause heart attacks
Oh, desire can cause heart attacks
Oh, desire, it won't bring you back

a taste of that seed

IT was and still is her worst nightmare.

if she only had known better back then ...

..........

she never should've get involved with IT. she should've ran as far away as she could when she still has the chance.

but now she's trapped. she pushed her luck way to far. now this is the price she has to pay.

............

she was young curious and rebellious. she thought she could survive IT's world.
how could she say no, when everthing IT offers are the things she's been longing to have.

............

she only had a taste, just a teeny bit of that seed ... and now she's doomed to stay in the darkness forever.

............

she wanted to have something to hold on to, something to call her own. but if it was IT ...

....

She'll choose to be alone.

message sent. message recieved.

she promised herself that she'll forget what happened.
she promised herself that she'll never ever comeback.

if not for that message IT sent ... she would have go on with her life as if IT never existed.
if not for the message she received ... she'd never come running back and fall for a stupid trap.

she tried so hard to get away from IT.
but no matter where she hides IT keeps on finding her.

....

she grew tired from running, from hiding. it felt like an endless and pointless chase.
her feet are hurting, eyes are swelling and her heart is pounding.
she can feel that IT's catching up on her. but she couldn't run any faster.

she can already feel her feet giving up on her.
cold tears rolled down her face, she took a deep breath and finally she stopped running.

her heart began to pound even harder as if it would explode from inside her chest.
IT is getting nearer and nearer ... she just stood there as her body froze.

she felt IT's huge cold hands on her shoulders and IT's warm breath at the back of her neck.
she tried to fight back but IT is just too strong for her. the more she fought back the tighter IT's grip. there's no point in resisting anymore, she knows very well that there's no way she could escape.

she thought that was the end of her.

IT wrapped IT's arms around her from behind, IT owns her now.
she's scared, so damn sacred. her body was shivering.

IT pressed IT's lips against her ears and gave her a little squeeze.
it was strange ... she felt a sudden gush of relief all over her body.

she closed her eyes and finally let go. she knew it was the end, she embraced her fate.
she felt It's warm breath on her ear. ... "why aren't you running anymore?" IT asked her.

"what's the point? I'm tired. so tired. you can take me if you want, my mind isn't here anymore." she answered. then she smiled at IT.
slowly IT loosen IT's arms around her ...

"I'll find you again, you know that don't you?" IT said ... then released her.

........

she found a new place, a new community, new family.
IT took her quite a long time to adapt to her new home.
it took her quite some time to get used to living a normal life.

no running
no hiding
no fighting

she was happy ...
she thought IT left her alone ... she thought IT would never come after her again.


....

but then ....

a message was sent.

and that message she received.

don't hide ... i'm not looking for you.

there's no need to stay invisible ...

don't make it hard on yourself, just in case you haven't noticed ... I'm over it.

now, I'm sorry if i ever made you feel uncomfortable in anyway, i didn't mean for any of that to happen.
but wasn't it you who told me that if i ever wanted something ... i should pursue it and do everything to get it?

though i still don't get why you're giving me the cold shoulders, i figured it would be better if i just let it go.

but before i totally put all of these behind me ... i just want to say (hopefully for the last time) that ... I'm not mad it's your life you can ignore whoever you feel like ignoring. ... i admit WAS upset about it. but I'm not mad.

it's just that ... you used to be one of my nicest friends ... well, at least for me i thought we were friends ... I've always seen you as a good person, i still think you are ... and i feel bad for loosing that.

... if you don't want to talk to me anymore ... just say it. ...

healed!

I've been depressed this month ... ironic because this was suppose to be my "month" or at least I'd like to think so. i haven't written any articles yet. i lost all directions ... and ummm ... i kinda felt a little something ... infatuation i guess ... anyway, it just added up on my bad feelings which is already piling up.

before this wicked month i was trying to find a new light ... just trying to see the brighter side of everything. POSITIVITY ... i was trying to stay on it. a friend of mine said that it's impossible for me to stay positive without letting any negativity outta my system.

he was right i should have kept it balanced. i thought i was doing just good ... but i wasn't. i didn't realize that I'm no longer being positive, i was being naive.

... things happened so fast i lost all directions. i became a bitter bitch. my bitterness dragged my friends down too. i'm not happy about it, thus, it has added yet another burden in my already deteriorating mind.

it took me a lot of time to pull myself together. i thought i would never recover from my bitterness. i hated myself for it. i thought making myself believe in the power of POSITIVITY is a huge mistake.

it took one Jason Mraz's song to snap me back to reality ... reality that the world could be beautiful only if we choose to see how beautiful it is.

only if we choose to let go of the negativity inside, having said that, i didn't mean you have to keep it all locked up inside of you and let i rot in there and be forgotten. let it go. i mean it when i said you HAVE to let it go.

if you become a victim of circumstances ... that doesn't give you any right to lash out on other people nor to drag them down with you. there's a lot of way to release the tension that's building up inside ... as for me. ... i sing.

i know i don't have the nicest voice ... but that doesn't matter. what matters is that when i try to share positivity i do it in a way i enjoy.

whenever your feeling negative try to sing this song ... it helps for me. just try it ... it wont kill you if you do.

Try Try Try - Jason Mraz

Oh baby we can fight like dogs we can fight like cats
A dirty laundry needs a laundry man
Maybe the king and the queen should lay off the caffeine
Baby breathe before you react

Sometimes we do forget to behave
And we regret what we say
Cause words are too weapons
If we don't choose'em carefully
Ladies and gentlemen this is instrumental
If life's to be a bed of roses

I know i gave you everything you like
Because you still give me butterflies

If we just try try try
Just to be ni-ni-nice
Then the world would be a better place for you and I
If we just live our lives
Putting our differences aside
Oh that would be so beautiful to me

Are we just dangling in the middle of a galaxy
Well i'm stoked on gravity
To be stuck with you like flowers on the dew drops
Now let it in my direction
My direction is up when everybody's down
Cause i don't mind being anybody's clown
I love a little lift cause i'm an optimistic
In an altruistic way

Cause basically this place is needing instruments of harmony
Spreading my philosophy of love and inspiration
Oh these words I speak I commit to like a crime
With a rhythm i deliver i'm giving them a picture
Of the reasons why

We should just try try try
Just to be ni-ni-nice
So the world could be a better place for you and I
If we just live our lives
Putting our differences aside
Oh that would be so beautiful to me

Well it wouldn't cost a penny but could save so many lonely lives
From teary eyes
If we just try try try
To open up a can of understanding open up your heart
I'm just planting seeds
Cause i believe

We could just try try try
Just to be ni-ni-nice
So the world would be a better place for you and I
If we just live our lives
Putting our differences aside
Oh that would be so beautiful to me

If we could try, just to be nice
That could be so beautiful to me
I believe,
Oh that could be so beautiful to me