IRRATIONAL MODE SWITCH .......

... don't you fucking touch that switch.

leave it alone.

it's irrational. let it go. don't rant about it. don't think about it.

and hell, don't talk about it.

stop. just .... fucking stop.

The perfect dress

You know that feeling you get when you walk by a store and saw 'the perfect dress'. you know it'll cost you but you're willing to save up for it. then the next day you'll realize that not only does it cost a fortune, it won't fit you anyway. ... that's the time when you'll ask yourself ... what the hell had happened to the person who used to be so happy with her baggy jeans and ragged t-shirt?

You try and go back to your old wardrobe, thinking you were so comfortable wearing those clothes back then. Who the hell said you can't wear them anymore? So you try ... You pick out the simplest of your shirts and the baggiest of your pants. You look at the mirror, brush your hair just for the sake of doing it. you pick your lipstick up and realize you don't need it anymore. You smile and think ... 'this is so much easier, why did I ever think of changing this lifestyle?' you used think 'ragged' style suits you best. suits your personality. and it does.

So you go on ahead with your day. just like the old times. you should feel comfortable, that's one of the perks of dressing down. and you are, you are comfortable ... but still every time you pass by a mirror, you secretly wish you had picked that nice blouse and cute skirt in your closet. every time you pass by a mirror and see your pale dark lips, you secretly wish you brought that lipstick with you.

the thing is ... you have changed. you may think you don't like it ... maybe because you can't buy the dress that you want or maybe because it won't fit you ... but there are tons of pretty dresses in the world. somewhere out there a pretty little red dress is waiting for you and when you see it, try it on. If it fits and you have enough money ... for the love of god, go buy it and maybe pair it up with killer heels

the thing this is ... that is probably age ... finally kicking in ... you didn't seriously think that you'd be happy playing tag and it forever ... did you? maybe it's just your girly-girl alter ego fighting it's way out of you.

Fact is, you want that dress and you can't have it ... the size and the price tag says so. ... that's kind of disappointing ... but that is not the last dress in the world ...

Project honesty: laziness among other things

It's only been three days.

it's too early for me to say anything ...

But I'm bored and I want to post a blog ... so :D

A friend told me that he'll start taking his studies more seriously, said it's his gift to himself. Then he asked me "how about you?"

I said "Honesty."

I don't know why I said that. hahaha It was the first thing that came to my mind. ... hahaha ... honesty.

I came up with this weird idea. I call it project honesty. I'll keep track on the lies (big or small) I tell and put it in a record with details like a brief summary of how I ended up lying, what was I thinking when I said that, what's my purpose (if there's any) and of course what's the truth.

None of these would make sense if I'd lie to myself again ... so I guess step one is done :D yay! I don't lie to myself anymore (that much. hahaha) I know there's a tendency for me to miss some of the things I said. this is just the first step anyway ... so I'm cutting myself some slack.

For the past three days I noticed I don't lie as much (not that my normal everyday life was filled with lies before ... they're not. ... well maybe just a little, ... bits of totally harmless little white lies, or should I say lame excuses hahaha lies that are totally harmless and totally unnecessary so I decided to minimize them. ...)

I guess my profound laziness plays a big role with the trimming down of lies.

Too much lies = tons of writing.

Every time I think about saying anything that's not true and think it's not a big deal anyway ... I imagine the burden that comes along with it.

... it's only been three days (I talk too much). I plan on doing this until august next year. or until I lose the compulsion to lie. I know this won't make the most honest person on earth (have no plans on being one) I don't even have an end goal for this project ... (oh wait, maybe there is ... umm to lose my compulsion to lie?) but it's making me feel good about myself. ... plus I really enjoy using onenote hahaha.

that .... thing

friend: have you ever seen me this happy? :)

me: no :D

friend: you know why?

me: yes :) ... have ever seen me this sad?

friend: ... :( No.

me: know why?

friend: yeah :(

another monday, another seemingly unending chitchat ...

*sigh ...

Memento

Am I lying to make myself happy?

hahahahah PUTANG INA ... sakto.

tae. ... sakto lng tlga. tang ina lang.

hahahahaha