familiar story

she's having the most boring day of her pathetic life.
her friends are all busy. there's no one to talk to. no one's available to listen to her endless rants.

the best thing she could let herself do is to open to computer and try to have someone to listen to her. ... she knows exactly where to go.

THE VIRTUAL WORLD. ... everyone in there's probably having the same boring day as her. if not, then why would they waste their time in a non-real world right?

so she signed up on the first community site that came to her mind. it was perfect. a lot of people were talking to her. that's exactly what she needed at that time --the feeling of acceptance. 'I'd love this place' she thought to herself. the day ended well for her. she gained a lot of virtual friends, that's good enough for her.

the next day she was so excited to log in again; thinking of having the same warm welcome she had the day before. but she was wrong. staring a conversation with people she doesn't really know turned out to be way harder that she thought. well at least after the 'hi-i'm-new-here-my-name-is_____' part.

people there act like they do know each other in the real world, when in fact they don't. she felt out of place. then she stumbled upon a short story. it's about a guy's high school love. he met her in junior year. she's like the female version of him, and he liked that. there's just something special about that girl.

one day, he was really running out of time, deadline for their project is in less that 24 hours. they had to make a rosary out of a paper bead. the girl finished a week before the deadline. she was damn good at it. so he gathered all the guts that he could and asked her if she can help him do his project. she cant actually help him since they dont have much time. so she offered to just do the whole thing for him.

the next morning he saw her. she looked different, she had darker circles around her eyes. her lips are pale but her smile was sweet.

"oh, wow! Thank you." he said.

"no problem. I didn't have anything to do anyway." she said.

"I love you." he said smiled.

"excuse me, what ..?"

"I said I love you .... for making this for me." then he left.

who would've thought she'd hold on to that forever.

make them laugh ... it comes so easy when you get to the part where you're breaking my heart ...

just felt like posting something with a long title ....




Take a bow
The night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Lights are low
The curtains down
There's no one here

Say your lines
But do you feel them
Do you mean what you say
When there's no one around
Watching you
Watching me
One lonely star

I've always been in love with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say goodbye

Say goodbye
Say goodbye

Make them laugh
It comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart
Hide behind your smile
All the world loves a clown

Wish you well
I cannot stay
You deserve an award
For the role that you played
No more masquerade
You're one lonely star

I've always been in love with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say goodbye

I've always been in love with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say goodbye

Say goodbye
Say goodbye

All the world is a stage
And everyone has their part
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say goodbye

I've always been in love with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say goodbye

Say goodbye
Say goodbye
Say goodbye

baggage

we all have it.

so you're frustrated ...

you're tired ...

WHO ISN'T????

you said you realize and you KNOW your mistake.

that you understand that you are now paying for it.

I say "do you really???" ... is it really enough to just know?

explain it to me please! because i totally don't get it.

you already know and yet you refuse to do anything about it. you refuse to make it right.

so what's the point of knowing????

FORGETTING

RANT MODE:

SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE!!!! why do i always fucking forget to hit ctrl+s buttons??? why???? i'm so damn frustrated T_T i know i should be doing something else right now but i cant start anything when tears are bullring up my vision (well i can blog) T_T T_T T_T ...

i'm so full of excuses had I only finished my task first before taking a nap, i never would've had this problem. it's my fucking fault! i know i still haven't done that much but at least i've already started.

i planned on waking up at 3 in the morning to finish everything up. i thought that since I've done almost half of it already it will be easier if i wasn't heavy-eyed.

i woke up 5 in the freaking morning and discovered that I slept before even saving it! my mom shut the computer down already ... no everything's gone!!! I'M SUCH A LAZY LAZY KID!!! it's not that hard to hit crtl+s ... not at all! it'll probably just take half a second .... T.T

do you know that feeling when you write something and erase everything out of stupidity then you'll think that you can just write it all over again but you can't ...

YOU JUST FREAKING CAN'T

My happiness

... is saturating

....is emotionally torturing....

keeps me sane ...

... made me insensitive

makes them happy too...

is hurting the people i love ....

... somehow causes them misery...

is you ... all of you

I can never say sorry for feeling the way I did. The way I do.

But being happy for me doesn't always mean being around them

sometimes it's simply being with you ... all of you.

I'm sorry for being unmindful of my words, ... I'm sorry I didn't know I was hurting anyone.

I'm sorry I didn't know how much i was appreciated. but now I do and for that, THANK YOU.

I'm sorry if I ever inflicted pain or made anybody's day unbearable. O'm sorry if anybody felt out of place.

i love the class so much. sometimes you're the only reason why i get up in the wee hour of the morning and ride a killer bus.

i love everybody ... i really do. YOU make me happy.

it's just that I've found an extra source of happiness and kinda grown addicted to it.

there's isn't a single moment of that, that i would regret.

maybe the only regret i have right now is that i was hurting you and i'm completely unaware.

fourth grade

Dear Queenie and Mirasol,

I've already said sorry for like million times. but let me say it again. I'M SO SO SORRY for ditching you guys. i'm sorry for being caught up with immaturity and wanting to be in the "IN" crowd.

I wanted for the "cool kids" to like me and with you guys around, i didn't think I'd have the chance. i just don't get it. why do you have to be so freaking quiet and nice all the time? i was known to be the boisterous girl, having my name written on the noisy list and being sent to the guidance office on a semi-regular basis, when you guys are actually louder than i am. seriously if you'll only show them how cool you are, i think they'll like you guys too, even more than they would ever like me.

i remember how we used to run all the way up to the auditorium and observe everyone from beneath our feet. our unsuspecting classmates were like little ants down there. we'd call out their names using different voices and they'd never know where and from whom the voices were coming from. they'd just stand there looking so stupid and shouting curses at the people they don' even know. until our teachers hear them and finally know what a brat they really are.

they were the ones who looked stupid down there and we were like the powerful entities whom they could never touch. why did i ever want their approval? why did i choose they're company over yours? well, maybe because i was stupid.

i finally got what i've always wanted. i was in. they tell me things they'd never let anyone else know. we go to malls without asking permission from my parents, and the best part is, i get to carry their bags and introduce them to my sister who is a classmate of that 6th grader guy they're crushing on. how could i ask for more??? yes they sometimes tend to ignore me but that's only when i try to suggest something. ... wait til i make a fool out of myself again, i know i'll get they're attention. i'm good at making people laugh, you know that right.

being with the "in" crowd wasn't half as fun as i thought it would be. maybe at first. but then eventually i got tired of carrying 5 bags make it 6 if you'll include mine, i felt embarrassed by the way they're acting in front of my sister's friend, and i ran out of made up stories to impress them. i eventually missed being me. and i know i can only be that person around you guys.

my heart fell into a million pieces when you said i can't hang out with you anymore. but you're right. i deserve that. after all i was the one who ditched you first.

i missed the silly games we used to play. i missed your loud voice which never fail to astound me. i missed my friends. ... now i've lost them forever all because i was a pathetic wannabe.

being rejected by you guys has taught me very valuable lesson though. NEVER TO DITCH A FRIEND just to please the crowd.

not a true story! ... half of the content were imagined and the other half exaggerated just because i wanted to.

it has been 3 years already but damn! you still have the same effect on me.

well, not really