Mr. Curious ... well, i need some inspiration .. it's my birthday ... and i cannot find no cause for a celebration ...
cosmic law ... it's still you after all these years ...
i promised myself not to count on you anymore ... and i don't ... not anymore.
i thought ... maybe if i get over the delusion of having a special day then maybe i'd spare me from from disappointment.
i did just that ... i honest to God did not wish for anything today.
yet ... here i am.
typing the same stupid things i did last year and the year before ..
i guess i was just too naive to see that the birthday spirit had already left me 5 years ago ...
the last "happy birthday" i could remember was my 16th ...
a simple celebration with my old gals. ...
i was happy ... i wasn't contented ... i was happy.
17th was ... i guess, okay. i was in a room full of hopeful students trying their luck ... hoping to get into UP. i thought maybe God would grant me some sort of luck ...
he did not.
18th was ... well ... i can't really remember ... i cried half of the day ... and slept through the rest.
19th ... i never felt as insignificant as i felt that day ... ever
20th ... was ok ... i guess ....
i'm losing it. ... i was the kind of person who would laugh through everything, saw the good in almost everything.
i was always the hopeful one ...
i used to always see the silver lining when no one seems to see it
what the fuck had happened?
a classmate said .... we have all turned into cynics ...
i guess he's right.
i am a CYNIC ...
i'm not me anymore.
cosmic law ... it's still you after all these years ...
i promised myself not to count on you anymore ... and i don't ... not anymore.
i thought ... maybe if i get over the delusion of having a special day then maybe i'd spare me from from disappointment.
i did just that ... i honest to God did not wish for anything today.
yet ... here i am.
typing the same stupid things i did last year and the year before ..
i guess i was just too naive to see that the birthday spirit had already left me 5 years ago ...
the last "happy birthday" i could remember was my 16th ...
a simple celebration with my old gals. ...
i was happy ... i wasn't contented ... i was happy.
17th was ... i guess, okay. i was in a room full of hopeful students trying their luck ... hoping to get into UP. i thought maybe God would grant me some sort of luck ...
he did not.
18th was ... well ... i can't really remember ... i cried half of the day ... and slept through the rest.
19th ... i never felt as insignificant as i felt that day ... ever
20th ... was ok ... i guess ....
i'm losing it. ... i was the kind of person who would laugh through everything, saw the good in almost everything.
i was always the hopeful one ...
i used to always see the silver lining when no one seems to see it
what the fuck had happened?
a classmate said .... we have all turned into cynics ...
i guess he's right.
i am a CYNIC ...
i'm not me anymore.
i thought the least the universe could do for me today is to magically manipulate things ... so that people would just let me be ... at least for one day... let me watch my favorite show peacefully ....
but NO ... apparently that's still asking too much ...
... *sigh ... what the hell am i saying????
this is just a phase ... it'll pass ...
i just ... had a really really awful day ... i guess
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