No tears formula.

I swear if only that commercial meant it literally, I'd buy a bottle of Johnson&Johnson's baby shampoo and pour it my eyes.

I remember when I was in grade school, nobody ever saw me cry. I've been bullied and all but I managed to keep it together. It's not that I didn't feel anything back then. I just had the sense to hold my tears back as long as I could. If I couldn't control it anymore I'd go to the washroom. haha thinking about it now kinda made me feel a bit like Chuck Norris hahaha.

I don't know whatever the hell on earth happened to that kid. I miss her .... well, composure (if you can call it that) I miss how she managed to take control of her emotions.

Now what? here I am ... all grown up (well ... not really) I should've been tougher, but no. Sadly, I'm not. Now I cry almost at everything.

Damn it i messed up an interview because I fucking got so emotional. I fucking choked on a fucking interview. How am I supposed to be with those sick kids? They are going through an awful lot of stress. The last thing they'd need is a stupid stranger feeling sorry for them.

The fuck! it took me two days before I finally shed a tear for my grandfather's death. everybody cried when they watched my sassy girl and I was like ... meh?

I need my old self for tomorrow ... I took all the vitamin C I could find just to make sure I'm well when I see them. Fuck! ...

I'm fucking crying right now ... just reading about them makes me weep, damn it!

I ended an interview because my words are catching on my throat ... I don't even have enough information yet. I screwed up .... I fucking screwed up an interview ... how the hell am I supposed to write about it now ...

Dear Happiness,

I know you're a very busy dude ... I know ... The universe is always sending you elsewhere .... but please ... can you not follow his orders even just for one day.

be with me, make me strong ... don't let me show those kids what I really feel.

I DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOSE HOPE FOR THEM!!!

I fucking do not!

They are too young and yet they're already fighting a war ... for their lives, for their family ... the last thing they need is a moronic girl who'll cry in front of them and make them feel like there's no more hope for them.

Please Don't make me cry ... DO NOT ALLOW ME.

please ...