shrink?

what did the doctor say?

nothing. he's a quack.

and why is that?

all he did was give me high dosage of that ... thing.

what thing?

i don't know ... he said it's supposed to make me feel better.

did it?

no. i just ... got weaker. the first dose made me dizzy, the second made my heart race, the third made my knees wobble.

so how exactly are you feeling right now?

basically i cant breathe. when i do there's just this stabbing pain. they're all over. sometimes i just dont want to breathe. you know, just to make the pain go away ...

...

but, if i do that ... i'll shut me down. the pain may be gone but so would i.

...

i tried it though. there was a time when i decided to stop breathing. just to see what will happen.

...so what happened?

it hasn't even been a minute ... my vision slowly went black, like how it looks like when you squirt black ink in water. my heart began to throb, i started to panic. i gasped for air.

...

taking deep breaths makes the pain worse you know. because of that i just try not to breathe heavily ... but it's just not as good.

heavy breathing, shallow breathing ... what's the difference?

fast, shallow breathing is for those who are hyperventilating. taking deep breaths almost makes everything ok. it calms me. i'm not hyperventilating everyday you know. ...

you know .... i dont think i'm following

i hate feeling like this ... it's like teasing my lungs of air it couldn't get. i might as well not breathe at all.

then dont

oh dont be stupid ... everybody needs to breathe.

oh really?

yeah, really.

remember when you tried to do it again?

...

...

oh ... that. yeah ... of course.

tell me about it.

i just lie down on the floor. i was alone. there's total silence. i was tired. i thought if i could just get a little rest ... just a little. so i ... stopped doing everything. everything. i closed me eyes then all these thoughts went on flashing in front of me but i said. ... "i dont think i like to think right now... can i do that please?" then the pictures stopped flashing.

interesting

suddenly the pictures were gone. everything went black. then it was cold ... but in a good way, you know. nothing hurts anymore. one by one everything was ... sort of fading. it felt good. i dont know what it is... i just felt like i was this close to getting somewhere. but then the phone rang.

this close to getting where?

i dont know. i never got there.

to me.

excuse me?

you were that close to getting to me. ... why did you want to see me?

did i?

you tell me. if it wasn't for that phone call you'd be there now.

and where is that exactly?

i think we both know that. i want you to think this through ... i'll be seeing you.

but ... where are you going? ... i haven't asked you what i'm doing here yet.

oh you know that too.

are you a shrink? why am i sitting here in this crazy chair?

what chair?

this cha ..... hey! where is it?

i dont know what shrink is ... but you can call me that if you want to. you go see that quack. you have to.