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inside this chaotic jungle i call my mind
i have this colorful paradise ... everything's so bright
glittering, sparkling ... it was the most beautiful place i've ever seen.
it has all the colors in the world.
it's abstract and yet so easy to understand
it's not complicated in any way.
my world, my secret world ... yeah that's simply it!
in my world you can see fairies and dragons and robots from the future.
you will see spies and aliens and undercover agents.
everything you could ever imagine is just there
my world knows no bounderies
everyone is so uncompatible ..... and still
they all fit so perfectly.
you can just tell how i love my colorful world.
because in the real world if i'm not allowed to get what i want ...
that means i'm not allowed.
but i was never been embittered by the fact that some things aren't meant for me to have.
because i know in my paradise it will fit perfectly
in my paradise, there is no such thing as "not allowed."
in my paradise every color complements each other.
so if i'd be given a chance to choose between reality and and my paradise ...
i'd choose my paradise ... in a heartbeat!
in reality i have this dull sheet of paper they call life.
everything's in the shade of gray.
i wanted it to be as colorful as my paradise but i'm afraid of the consequences.
i want to get a paint and just splash it in my paper.
i want to put glitters in it.
cut outs. everything!
i wanted it to be a work of art ...
a very beautilful piece of trash.
but i'm so damn scared!!!
all my life i've been living in this shade of gray.
my comfort zone ... it's boring, yes ... but whatever
at least i know that inside that dull gray shade
i'll always be safe. ... yeah.. bored .... but safe!
i wanted to choose bright colors but i'm afraid they won't blend.
so ... i end up using pencil in my paper ... just pencil ..... always pencil ...
because i know no matter how i ugly it might turn out .. i can always erase it.
now this sudden splash of colours ...
it's so inviting, so tempting, so hypnotizing....
this sudden splah of colours in my gray shaded paper ...
it's hurting my eyes and it makes me want to cry.
i dont think i'm ready for it.
i want it and i dont want it at the same time
and it hurts to feel that way.
this sudden splash of colours is making my dull paper complicated.
it's brightness blinded me. almost took away my ability to think.
that bright, bright color that it has ...
has captured a part of me i never thought i had.
i know i want it but i cant have it ... i cant and i dont want to.
it's giving me a headache .. a really bad one!
just thinking about it makes me want to stop thinking
talking about it makes me lose every sensible word i want to say.
this bizzare blend of red and orange and yellow and purple and black and green
and every freaking colour that ever existed ...
every freaking colour in the world ... it has it ...
and it makes me want to run to it ... dive into it ...
into its tempting pool of beautiful colours.
but i know better ...
i know where my place should be ...
anywhere, anywhere as long as it's not there ...
whenever i see it coming in my direction ....
all i ever have to do is turn around and walk away.
walk away from it ...
a simple solution to a very simple problem ....
simple and easy???
yeah, simple but definitely not easy
it's funny because if another person has this problem and asks me for an advice
... my quick reply would be ...
if you don't want it ... then just turn around and walk away ....
sadly .. that's not the case here ... my damn problem is ...
i think this stupid blood-pumping machine inside my body wants it.
or i don't know ... maybe this stupid microchip inside my skull is just playing
this stupid and annoying game on me ....
making me believe this is more than what it really is ...
i don't know ...
all i know is that it is so freaking weird ...
because even inside my colorful paradise .... i know this sudden burst of colours wont fit
it wont blend ... i tried
... but it just can't ...
for the first time ... something from reality wont fit in my paradise ...
it's hurting me ....
it's hurting me so bad!!!
... i never thought the word "not allowed" would ever exist in my paradise.
now this beatiful sudden burst of colours ....
i wont be tempted by it ...
because i know deep down inside ...
somebody else owns it ....
it is only there for me to look at ... not for anything else ...
sadly i don't think it is for sale ...
or even if if it is ... i know i cant afford it.
and i'm not that stupid to sell every freaking thing i worked for
just for that ....
it's hurting my eyes ....
and now ...... it makes me want to cry .....
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