Dear Universe,

I'm sorry about last time. I was angry, I know you understand. I know what a hard headed brat I've been. I'm not proud of that. I guess I was just upset and deeply ... idk, hurt or something. I never understood why you seem to enjoy messing me up. Aren't I messed up enough as it is? I know I always say how much I hate you for bitch-slapping me every chance you get. But you must know, looking back, I wouldn't have it any other way. I know I am not without fault. But you must understand that when my emotions are running high I tend to forget what rationality is. I'm sorry I wasn't thinking. not clearly, anyway.

Those were the most awful weeks of my life. All of a sudden I was left on my own. I haven't got a single clue on what was I supposed to do. I was a total mess. And just when I felt I needed my friends the most, you conveniently made them unavailable for me. I was so close to breaking down. I didn't feel my family's support. My best friend was too busy to give me even just a minute of her time. My other best friends ... well, they have their own thing going on. I was so frustrated. No matter how hard I try there was always something wrong in everything I do. I couldn't help but think ... God! Am I really this dumb?

I used to always have somebody to turn to. If one friend is not available someone will surely be. I guess that's the upside of having a lot of them. But those weeks ... they were just ... gone. I understand why. I don't take any of it against them. I just hated your fucking timing. Problems come and go. Some I handle effortlessly and some ... well, you know how it is. I despised you for taking them away all at the same time. I needed them. I fucfking needed them. ... or so I thought.

What I failed to realize at that time was I needed to be left alone. What I failed to realize was that I wanted them to be there. I didn't actually need them. I failed to realize that I needed myself more than I anyone at that time. Now I understand. well, sort of.

I was so miserable because I experienced the one thing I was so afraid of. That was my problem. I didn't see it until now. The problem is I was left alone. But that's over now. I'll be lying if I say I'm totally fine. I'm not .. at least not yet. But I will be ... probably soon.

I have only a year left before graduation. Soon we'll take different paths. I must take mine alone. They won't always be there for me. I won't be for them either. I must get used to that. I guess what happened was some sort of a practice for me. for that, Mr. (or Mrs ... or Ms.) Universe THANK YOU.

I guess this is truce ... at least for now. I know you'll be bitch-slapping me again when my guards are down. but I also know that when you do that ... You'll have a damn good reason for it. you know how easily I get confused so if you could, please stop sending me scrambled signs. The ones that you sent me last time, They really messed me up. BIG TIME. So I guess just to be safe. I won't be taking any of it into consideration. Keep them in your pocket sir, I won't be needing them anymore. and just so you know, I already disregarded the one you sent a couple of weeks ago.

I know I can't be even half as good a writer as you are. So, I guess it's okay to let you write the story of my life just as long as I have the final say :D ... see you in our next fight ... but for now I must say that at least for today I love you :D

ps:

please don't ruin Tuesday for us. I'll count on that :D

Sincerely yours,

your brat frenemy ... Camille

:D